“”Until we become clear about our own worth and value, we will forever be searching for it in the eyes of others.””

~ Bill Crawford

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This quote came to me as I became increasingly aware of how problematic it can be to create the life we want when we don’t know our own value. In other words, when we are unclear about why someone would want us as a part of their organization and/or want us as a relationship partner, friend, husband, wife, etc., we will always be looking to others to “fill in the blanks,” so to speak.

This has us going into situations fearful of rejection or being judged as “not enough.” Therefore, rather than looking for opportunities to add our value to an encounter, we can find ourselves feeling tentative or even choosing not to try out of fear of failure. It also can have us agreeing to things that are incongruent with our values and beliefs about what is right.

Of course, what many of us are looking for is for someone to finally recognize our worth and thus confirm that we are indeed valuable. Unfortunately, often, those we are looking to for validation have issues themselves. They could be dealing with situations that keep them from seeing the value in others… they may have their own fears of not being enough, and therefore are threatened by the value of others… or it’s possible that they are not skilled at seeing others as valuable and communicating this vision in a way that others can understand. Regardless, relying on others to validate our worth is not a recipe for happiness or success, nor is it something I imagine we would recommend to someone we love.

Therefore, I suggest we start by becoming aware of our own value/self-worth so that we can take these qualities and characteristics into the organizations, relationships, friendships, etc., that make up our lives. Then, if someone recognizes this valuable contribution and acknowledges us, great! It’s always nice to be acknowledged. However, if the situation is such that our contributions aren’t acknowledged, we aren’t left doubting our worth or feeling worthless.

In fact, I encourage those that are eager to have more influence in their lives and the lives of others to make a list of at least twenty qualities and/or characteristics of who they are at their best. Or, put another way, what are the characteristics that they possess that make them an excellent relationship partner, friend, employee, etc.? Next, I encourage them to put these on a small index card and have it laminated.
I then encourage them to become clear of who they are when they are bringing these qualities to life. How do they act when they are clear, confident, and compassionate, for example? What is their body language, their tone of voice like?

Once we are clear about our self-worth (or the qualities and characteristics that make us valuable), then we can go into situations confident in our ability to make a valuable contribution. Rather than forever searching for our worth in the eyes of others, our search instead becomes focused on the opportunity to bring our best to life… something I’m guessing we would recommend to someone we love.

Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill