“Remembering the best of the past can provide a foundation for a wonderful future… it’s all about appreciation and application.”

~ Bill Crawford

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DON’T Let Go of the Past

This quote came to me while I was in Quebec City, Canada recently doing a series of presentations. Quebec City is one of the oldest cities in North America and they have done a wonderful job of embracing their past. And, while strolling around the cobblestone streets and climbing the walls of the fortress, I was struck by how many people today want to forget, and/or let go of their past. In fact, if you Google the phrase “Letting Go Of The Past,” you get 3 million more hits than “Remembering The Past.”

Of course, this is understandable when there were events in our past that were unpleasant (and for some people even traumatic). However, I wonder if categorizing everything in our past as negative and forgettable is throwing the baby out with the bathwater?

The truth is that who we are today is influenced by what we experienced, and how this experience shaped our world view. Therefore, I suggest that we become more purposeful about what we affirm from our past, and what we reject.

For example, most of us have at least some memories of happy times as children. Even if those memories were few and far between, we can remember what it was like to play, laugh, and experience true joy. These are critical to our happiness and success today because they give us a glimpse into who we are when operating from the part of the brain that isn’t worried about criticism, rejection, or mistakes.

In addition, most of us can remember getting lost in activities that fascinated us such as painting, reading, exploring nature, or making music. Again, this is us at our most creative and least inhibited, which can lead us to vocations or avocations that can enrich our lives today.

Similarly, many of us can remember experiences with people that were enriching and joyful. Maybe this was a parent, teacher, or a best friend. Regardless, when we recall memories of being with this person, we feel loved, happy, and free. These recollections are not only good information about them, but also about us… who we are when we are feeling worthy and lovable.

Now, is it a good idea to combine this joyful part with awareness about what is safe and how to enjoy life in a way that is healthy and constructive? Sure. However, unless we remember what it was like to play with the abandonment of a child, we have nothing to draw from, and we are left with worries about safety, appropriateness, rejection, and criticism.

The truth is that memory is selective. We don’t remember the past exactly as it was, but instead, based upon the meaning each event had in our lives. Unfortunately, if we depend on the part of the brain that is responsible for survival to determine what we remember and what it meant, we will forever be swamped by fear-based memories. However, if we support the purposeful part of the brain to determine what memories we hold on to and which we let fade, we can begin to shape our experience of the present in this more purposeful way.

In fact, the word “remember” comes from the latin, “memoir,” with means “to be mindful.” Therefore, I suggest we be “mind full,” or fill our mind with more positive memories. Let’s take a cue from cities like Quebec, and cherish those parts of who we were that remind us of the best of who we are, and support us in becoming the best of who we want to be, and encourage those we love to do the same.

Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill