True Confidence #2

This is another quote I found on Pinterest, and I think it is especially meaningful in times like these where so many people seem to have such divergent opinions, because, if we are not willing to have our answers (what we believe to be true) questioned, then any discussion simply dissolves into a debate where “being right” and making the other person wrong becomes the goal. This can happen on a global scale, a national scale, or even between two individuals, but regardless, rarely does this sort of conversation result in a problem being solved.

Therefore, since we know this doesn’t work (because asserting the righteousness of our beliefs only has the other person arguing more vehemently for theirs), I suggest we take a different tact. I suggest that we invite others to question our answers so that we can model the type of confidence and communication that at least has the potential to be productive.

Peter Senge spoke of this concept nicely in his book, The Fifth Discipline. He talks about the value of “suspending our beliefs,” and describes this as a process of “holding them up to the light” and identifying them as beliefs rather than facts. Next, he suggests that we invite those with whom we want to dialogue to give us their perspective on what we believe to see if there is something we are missing or something to be learned.

Notice how different this is than the current atmosphere where people don’t seem to be willing to have their answers questioned, but are all too willing to question the answers of others. Sadly, this isn’t only unproductive, it can tear families, communities, and nations apart, leaving bitterness and resentment in its wake.

Therefore, I suggest we take a more purposeful tact when discussing issues. I suggest we model what we believe is the most productive way to talk about an issue by stating what we believe, and then inviting others to let us know if they see something that is off or missing.

This doesn’t mean that we will abandon what we believe… quite the contrary. Remember, this week’s quote is about true confidence, meaning that when we are willing to hold our beliefs up to the light and have them questioned, we actually come away with more clarity with respect to the value of our perspective because it has stood up to being challenged by others.

Therefore, if you want to be come more influential in your life, choose beliefs that are strong enough to be questioned. And, if you want to become more influential in other’s lives, invite them to do the same. Chances are, the result will be fewer arguments and debates and many more productive and solution-focused conversations.