“Great solutions see serenity and acceptance as the precursor to courage and change.”

~ Bill Crawford

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The Hardest Part of Great Solutions

This is the second in a series on what makes a great solution that was inspired by Duke Rohe at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, Texas. The first installment spoke of the importance of looking at the true cause of the problem versus just addressing the symptom. And in this video, I spoke of the importance of understanding how our brain processes information (i.e. how the limbic system scans incoming data, and depending on how this data is interpreted, either sends it down to the brainstem or up to the neocortex.)

In this second installment, I want to look at the role acceptance plays in creating great solutions. Unfortunately, this is often an overlooked and undervalued component of problem-solving because it seems passive, as if we are giving up or giving in. However, I suggest that looking at a problem and determining what about the situation is beyond our control, or simply not worth the effort to try to change, is critical to creating great solutions because it frees us to focus our energy on those aspects that are more important.

This concept is one of the principle components of my “Life from the Top of the Mind” philosophy, and is called “The Wisdom of Serenity.” Of course, this alludes to the Serenity Prayer which says, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” While this is a very popular prayer, I feel that it is misunderstood by some as a plea for serenity. However, I see it as a formula for success.

For example, notice the order of the prayer. It says, God grant me the serenity so that I might first accept the things I cannot change. In other words, serenity is the precursor to acceptance, and serenity and acceptance are the precursors to courage, wisdom, and change! Therefore, in this light, serenity and acceptance aren’t passive at all, but necessary ingredients if we want to become more influential in our lives and the lives of others.

Let’s examine what this might look like in real life. For example, let’s assume we have decided that our weight is not what we want it to be, and we are looking for a solution. Some people try to use their worry, fear, and/or shame to motivate themselves to go on some diet or exercise regime. In this scenario, acceptance plays no role. In fact, they probably see their body as unacceptable, and use this as motivation to change.

Unfortunately, if worry, fear, or shame are the energies that create the solution (motivate our behavior), then once the goal is reached, the motivation is gone. Plus, the body has probably adjusted to the reduced amount of calories and/or carbs, and the increased amount of exercise, and if this regimen is no longer followed, the potential for weight gain is huge. This explains the infamous “yo yo” effect described by so many people who struggle with their weight.

On the other hand, if we could start with serenity and acceptance, we could see that our current weight is simply feedback from our body that lets us know our relationship to food is not serving us. We could then work to change that relationship, and allow our body to find its natural, normal size and weight as we eat in a way we would recommend to someone we love.

In this second scenario, worry, fear, and shame play no part in the process. Instead, the more nurturing energy of acceptance is the precursor to courage, wisdom, and change, and when our body does find its natural weight, we simply continue with our new relationship to food.

The value of building acceptance in to our solutions can also be seen when we are looking to make agreements with the important people in our lives. If we get into arguments about “Who’s Right!” we are likely to create more resistance than receptiveness, and actually impede the creation of effective solutions. On the other hand, if we are willing to accept that there are probably aspects of the situation that are important to those with whom we are working, we can move to build on our common ground and spend our energy in a constructive versus defensive manner.

Bottom line, there will always be aspects of any situation that we will need to accept if we want to move forward and create great solutions. If we are willing to go into the process of creating solutions with this awareness, we will spend our time and energy reaching consensus and solving problems, versus trying to change those people or logistics over which we have little to no control.

Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill