“Our kids won’t always do what we say… but they will do what we do!”

~ Bill Crawford

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The Top 3 Essentials To Successful Parenting

Having written a book on “parenting” and had the pleasure of parenting two boys (now 25 and 21) with my wife, Georgia, I often get asked for advice on the subject. I’m always pleased about this because I know the person asking is wanting to be the best parent they can be. Of course, the question then is, what really makes a great parent, and/or what are the things a parent can do to raise happy, healthy, resilient kids? While there are probably as many answers to this as there are people who have had kids, however, I suggest that we turn to science.

Fortunately, there is an article in Scientific American Mind that was featured in a recent issue entitled, “Raising Great Kids,” in which the author, respected psychologist, Robert Epstein, relates his research on the subject. After interviewing over 2,000 parents, reviewing over 100 parenting studies, and talking to parenting experts, Dr. Epstein and his fellow researchers have come up with the top ten determinants of what parents need to do to raise happy, healthy kids.

The first is providing love and affection. This makes sense because kids don’t know that they are lovable until they are loved, or valuable until they are valued. Therefore, showing our kids how much we love them allows them to tackle life’s challenges with more confidence and curiosity.

While love and affection was pretty predictable as the first determinant, the next two surprised everyone, even the parenting experts. According to Dr. Epstein’s research, the second most powerful determinant of what makes a good parent has nothing to do with kids! It is the parent’s ability to deal with stress.

When you think about this a bit, it does make sense, because when a parent is stressed (frustrated, angry, etc.), they are likely to do and/or say things that are more about their being upset rather than someone who is making good decisions. This can create a toxic home environment, and may even result in the child adopting some of the same dysfunctional ways of reacting to life, or feeling as if they are to blame for the problems of their parents.

The third factor that determines whether parents will raise happy, healthy kids once again has nothing to do with the kids. It is the parent’s relationships with other adults! Whether it’s our spouse, the “ex”, the in-laws, or the neighbors, how we engage the other adults in our lives seems to have a tremendous effect on the quality of relationships our kids create, which, of course, will have a tremendous effect on their quality of life.

All of this points to the importance of this week’s quote that says, “Kids don’t always do what we say, but they will do what we do!” Therefore, if you are invested in being the best parent you can be and raising happy, healthy, confident kids, I suggest you do all you can to learn how to deal with stress and create successful relationships because those skills, along with love and affection, will make all of the difference in the lives of your children.

Of course, for those of you who follow my “Life from the Top of the Mind” philosophy, you know that helping people deal with stress and work well with others is what I do. Therefore, if you, and/or those in your organization, church, professional association, etc. would like to learn new information on the science of dealing with stress, people, and life… if you would like to be able to access your clarity, confidence, and creativity, regardless of the situation, and pass these abilities on to your kids, I suggest you contact me.

In the meantime, if you would like to read Dr. Epstein’s article on the top ten most effective child-rearing practices (as well as other great articles), I suggest you pick up a copy of The Scientific American Mind Special Collector’s edition on How to Raise Great Kids. The more you know… right?

Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill