“The meaning that we attach to our stories makes us either bitter or better. I suggest we do this by choice, and not by chance.”

~ Bill Crawford

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Bitter or Better?

As I look to refine my “Life from the Top of the Mind” system to make it even more effective in helping you create the life that you want, there are several concepts that come up again and again. One of these is how the stories we tell ourselves and others effect the chemical make-up of our brains and bodies, another is the significance of “meaning” in this process, and a third is how important it is that we are making purposeful choices in our lives versus allowing old habitual ways of reacting to define us.

The beautiful thing about this week’s quote is that it contains all three, and therefore, I suggest we break this down so that we can get the most from these words.

The first is the concept of “meaning.” What I have learned is that the part of the brain that first attributes meaning to what comes in from our five senses (hearing, sight, etc.) is the limbic system, and this part of the brain is responsible for keeping us alive in fight or flight situations. Therefore, it tends to be hyper alert to anything it considers a problem, stressor, or threat. Of course, the truth is that few, if any, of the situations we encounter today call for a fight or flight reaction and therefore we find ourselves reacting to life in ways that don’t serve us based upon how this unconscious part of our brain is attributing meaning to what we experience.

The second of these concepts speaks to how we experience the past. We don’t remember it as an accurate photographic memory, but as a series of stories about what happened, and most important, what it meant. For example, based upon some traumatic experience, we might be afraid that the world is a dangerous place, or people can’t be trusted, or that there is something wrong with me and I will never be “enough.”

Finally, the third component that makes all of this so problematic is that these stories are being given meaning not by choice, but by chance. In other words, we are not choosing how to view ourselves and the world in this way on purpose, but it seems to “be happening to us” based on what we have experienced in the past.

Therefore, if you want to have more influence in your experience of life, I suggest you begin to examine the stories you are telling yourself and others about the past, the present, your own worth, and the world, in general.

• Are these stories making you bitter or better?

• Are we using life as an opportunity to define who we are in a way we would teach to someone we love… or are we allowing the fear-based part of our brain to assign meaning to life in a way that only makes us bitter?

Another quote I have used in the past is, “Bitterness does more damage to the vessel in which it is stored, than the vessel on which it is poured.” Therefore, I suggest that we allow the Top of the Mind to regain control from our limbic system and begin practicing attributing meaning to the stories of our life on purpose. In this way, each challenge can indeed make us better because we are learning from life, doing more of what works and less of what doesn’t… and isn’t this indeed what we would recommend to those we love?

Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill