“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by a lack of meaning and purpose.”

~ Victor Frankl

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Grieving A Shattered Dream & The Election

As a psychologist, I understand how many may be feeling shocked, disillusioned, even broken-hearted about the results of the election. I’m sure this would have happened regardless of who won, but given that one party was expecting to win and the other not so much, I’m guessing that this turn of events can trigger even deeper emotions.

I also believe that feelings or emotions are never right or wrong… they just are. We feel the way we feel, and as I have always have stated in my books and seminars, I believe we have a right to these feelings. In fact, when we hear people suggest that we shouldn’t feel bad or sad, that’s when we push back and defend our reactions, and our right to think and feel the way we do.

That’s why I didn’t title this, “How To Feel Good About The Election.” I’m not here to convince anyone to think or feel one way or another. In fact, my mantra has always been, never give advice unless you are asked. Therefore, for those of you who don’t want to change how you feel… feel free to stop reading now, and know that I fully support your right to your emotions whatever they may be.

For those of you who are wanting to create some peace of mind in the wake of the election, however, and are wanting my help, my purpose here is the same as my purpose has been over the last 27 years, i.e. to give you some science behind why we think and feel the way we do, and tools to become more influential in this process.

The reason some are feeling so bad is that the part of our brain that is responsible for keeping us alive (the limbic system) has interpreted the current state of affairs as dangerous, and is triggering the fight-or-flight chemicals of adrenaline and cortisol.

While this is understandable, and it’s possible that negative things can happen as a result of this election in the future, the truth is that they haven’t happened yet. It is also true that we can’t deal with this situation, now or in the future, from a fight-or-flight perspective, and therefore we feel trapped and helpless (which, of course, triggers more cortisol).

If we want to find peace of mind in the present, and continue to hold on to this feeling as we go into the future, we must first be willing to choose this state of mind as our “Highest Purpose,” and make it more important than our fears. Or, to put it into neuroscience terms, we must be willing to trust the purposeful part of the mind from which peace of mind emanates… i.e. the neocortex, or upper 80% of the brain.

This doesn’t mean that we have to pretend that nothing happened, or that “everything is just great!” It does mean, however, that if peace of mind is our goal, we will want to ensure that we are not allowing the reactive part of our brain to determine how we feel. One way to do this is to ensure that we are clear about our present reality.

For example, are there people in our life that we love and who love us? Are they more important than the results of this election?

Are there children, friends, family members, pets, and other beings that bring meaning to our lives, and give us a place to love and be loved? Are they more important than the results of this election?

If love and peace of mind are truly what we want to feel, we must be willing to look at today from the wise, purposeful part of our mind, and put the election into context, which means comparing it to all of the love in our lives. When we do this, doesn’t it pale by comparison?

So, yes, there is a part of us that is sad and disappointed. And, there are many parts of us that are over-the-top grateful for the love that is such a significant part of our lives. Let’s choose our focus in a way that defines who we are (versus being defined by what happens around us) and in a way we would teach and/or recommend to those we love.

It is from this purposeful perspective…this purposeful part of the brain that triggers the chemicals of love (endorphins, serotonin) that we can create our lives in a way that not only gives us a place of peace today, but also a place from which we can create a loving tomorrow.

Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill