“‘Peeves'” make lousy pets. They bite, eat too much, crap all over the place, and don’t clean up after themselves.”

~ Adapted from Seth Godin

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The Problem With Pet Peeves

This is an adaptation of a quote from one of my favorite authors, Seth Godin. Here he brings up a great point about “pet peeves.” Now, to be clear, I’m not saying that people are wrong, or have no right to have pet peeves. As always, I support anyone’s right to think and feel any way they want. What I (and Seth Godin) do want to question here is whether we we want to make our peeves our pets.

First, let’s look at what a “peeve” is. By definition, it is something that peeves us or irritates us. Generally these irritants have to do with the behavior of other people. This is understandable, but is it purposeful… meaning do we decide to be irritated or just find ourselves reacting that way? And if the answer is, no, if it’s not purposeful, then we may want to examine the effect these pets are having in our lives, and whether want to keep feeding them and cleaning up after them.

That’s what is happening when we complain about a pet peeve. We are being “peeved” or irritated in a way that isn’t purposeful and probably isn’t enhancing our experience of life. And, to make matters worse, we are calling this irritant a “pet,” which means we are making it special by making it a part of our life, so to speak.

I mean, isn’t that what we do with a pet? We bring it into our home, make it a part of our family, feed it, clean up after it, etc. Again, is that really what we want to do to an irritant? Would we recommend that to someone we love?

I’m guessing the answer to those questions is “no,” which means we will want to change how we talk about the peeves that, in the past, we may have made pets. We may want to use the words, “in the past,” when speaking to our tendency to become irritated at other’s behavior so that we can decide how we want to feel now and move forward.

For example, “In the past, I had a tendency to become irritated when ___________.” Now, I want to practice feeling ________ when I encounter this sort of behavior.” Remember, I’m not suggesting that you have no right to think and feel any way you want. I just always suggest that we apply certain criteria to our responses to life so that we can determine whether we want to keep them (feed them, make them special, make them “pets.” etc.) I call these the Four Criteria.

1. Has this thought, emotion, behavior been chosen “on purpose?”
2. Is it helping me create the life I want?
3. Does it define me in a way I want to be defined?
4 Would I teach, or recommend this thought, emotion, action to someone I love?

If so, great! Make it a pet, invite it into your life, and nurture it. If not, maybe this is something we want to change versus something we want to feed. As always, your call.

Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill